Well douche your snatch and let's go!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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