So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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