I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
