i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So vagazzling was a success
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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