I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
