so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
soo... how was my night?
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