He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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