She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
