you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
