I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
