Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
