Where is the hickey?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
