The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
