i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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