all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
