Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
please don't ironically join a cult
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