Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My dick has a subreddit
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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