I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
