he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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