Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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