the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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