the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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