it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
