i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
