woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
