I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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