sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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