I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
