I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
