It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize