Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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