i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just pee around me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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