I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
