on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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