i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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