i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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