I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize