I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
