My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
