My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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