Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize