Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
