If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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