Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
