The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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