i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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