omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
