that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
