i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
