I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
