This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
