I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
