remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize