Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize