I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
