I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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