Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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