I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
