I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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