If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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