I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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