omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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