Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
id be glad to
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had to cum in my sink.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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