Don't make out with my wife yet
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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