I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
