Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
