worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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