His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
