i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
