i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
