If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
