I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm passing your future prison.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
