I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
