when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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