I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
