I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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