is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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