two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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