we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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