Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
