you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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