What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
