He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
