My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
