I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm going to jail i love you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
