suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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