so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you win again, gameday.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
