Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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