Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize