FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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