You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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