so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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