god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
