she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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