I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, beer. Big fan.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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