You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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