OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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