I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize