I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
