Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
