Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
