Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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