I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
