pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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