I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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