it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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