I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
