Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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