no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
