I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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