Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize