my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
